I used to struggle to carve out time to work out. For more than 5 years my days started with calls with my overseas team members starting as early as 7am and ran straight through the afternoon. I was grateful for a break for dinner and some personal time before the evening calls started. It was a breakneck pace, with very little flexibility.
Last summer I planned 3-week trip that would include a bucket list item: visiting my ancestral home of Lithuania for the first time. As excited as I was to go, I also felt anxious. Being away from work for that long felt wrong, even though I knew rationally it wasn’t.
Then after 25 years, my job at Microsoft was eliminated. Just like that, the pace stopped dead and everything I thought I knew about how the rest of my career would play out disappeared.
Maybe I should have been more careful about what I wished for. The universe gave me exactly what I’d been asking for: flexibility over my time, the ability to travel without the weight of work hanging over me. Not how I’d have expected it to happen, not what I meant when I said it. And yet, exactly what I wanted.
Today is my one-year layoff-iversary.
The first reaction: shock
I was completely blindsided. I genuinely thought I was at zero risk of being laid off. Maybe that was naive, but I trusted my leadership and my record of high performance. I went through the five stages of grief, more or less, though I moved through them faster than I expected. By the end of the first week, I had arrived somewhere I didn’t anticipate: relief.
As I worked through an offboarding checklist, going through old emails and files to find things worth handing off, I felt lighter with each item I touched. There were so many frustrations I’d been carrying, so many energy-draining dynamics I’d been navigating for years. Suddenly I could let all of it go like sloughing off old scratchy skin.
If I’m honest, the culture at Microsoft had changed significantly in my last few years there. From my point of view, it was for the worse. I wasn’t happy. Somewhere in the back of my mind I already knew I should leave; I just hadn’t found the courage to do it yet. The layoff made the decision for me.
A summer of rest, and then boredom
I spent the summer doing something I hadn’t done in a long time: nothing in particular. I worked in my garden. I played golf on weekdays, such a novelty! I spent unhurried time with friends and family. I took that trip and savored every minute. I let go, slowed down, and truly relaxed.
By the end of August, my brain was bored.
I was busy and active, doing things all day, but I wasn’t thinking hard about anything. I wasn’t challenged. I wasn’t learning or growing. That’s when I realized something important about myself: I am not someone who can retire. Not now, maybe not ever. I thrive on hard problems. I need to be challenged, to learn new things, to work at something difficult and succeed at it. Resting was necessary, but the moment passed and I was ready to roll my sleeves back up.
Going independent
The idea of going out on my own had crossed my mind before the layoff. I’d even signed up for a webinar on how to go independent. Once I recognized I wasn’t ready to stop working, that started to look less like funny timing and more like a sign.
So I dove in. I launched What Works Solutions, signed on with a coach and a training program to build the new skills I’d need, and got to work. I’ve signed clients, done pro bono work to build my portfolio, and volunteered my skills for organizations and causes I care about.
Starting a business is slow and there are no shortcuts. My coach reminds me of this when my impatience gets the better of me. I don’t just tolerate the struggle, I need it. The struggle is where I grow, and it will make my success feel so much sweeter.
One year in
Today I feel like I’m standing on the precipice of something new and amazing.
My business is growing…slowly, and I’m learning to be patient. Things happen in their own time, so I’m focusing on putting good into the world, sharing what I’m genuinely great at. I can’t see the big payoff yet, and that’s OK. A year after the shock of a layoff I’ve found a certainty that it’s all unfolding exactly the way it’s supposed to.
It turns out the universe knew what it was doing.